LET’S TALK ABOUT SEX
By Natalie Arabella-Bailey
SERIOUSLY, ARE YOU GETTING ENOUGH OF THE GOOD STUFF?
You do it. I do it. We all do it. Some people love it, some people don’t, some want more, some are getting loads! But a lot of folk are not having enough sex because they don’t feel confident and don’t feel comfortable talking about what they do and don’t like in bed. Forget social conditioning; sex has always been around, and it will always be. Sex isn’t just functional, it’s to be enjoyed!
So how do you get more sex? I’m not talking here about shagging 15 people a day, I’m talking about more great-quality sex. Letting go of your inhibitions and focusing on being in the moment, rather than the end goal or another notch on the bedpost. It’s not a numbers game, it’s an enjoyment game.
Those dopamine and endorphin highs that make you feel great are the outcomes to be chasing here, so talk about it with your partner, or potential partner. What don’t you enjoy? What do you enjoy? What would you like to try? If you can get comfortable exploring sex through talk, just imagine what the real physical act could be like. Don’t be afraid to say no either. If you don’t like something, that’s ok too. If you find this difficult face to face, start on the phone, or over messages. It might feel a bit ‘teenagery’ at first but sometimes it’s easier to build momentum. Really build up that tempo and tell them what you would like them to do to you, or you to them. Get in flow with it and feel the energy release
When you are together, use the time to really connect. Sex isn’t just a physical thing, when you really connect with someone, the sex gets better. But it all comes down to you. Allowing yourself to fully open up, trust the other person and let go.
A study published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior found that just saying the word “clitoris” out loud is linked to better sex for women. The researchers said their findings indicate why it’s so important for us as a society and as individuals to start talking openly about our sex lives. When you’re comfortable talking about sex, including the specific body parts where you like to get touched; you’re way more likely to convey that to your partners and then get the type of stimulation that actually feels good for you
The start to getting more sex is to talk about it more and go from there. Now go and text or call your partner and tell them what you would like to do to them tonight…
Natalie Arabella-Bailey is the acclaimed host of the Confidence Mastery: Unlock Your Life podcast, and founder of Gold Star Life Confidence Mastery. Check out her sexual confidence series on iTunes and Spotify.