By Charlene Douglas
As the year draws to a close, many of us are longing to find that special person that we can settle down with to keep us warm throughout winter and beyond. However, many singles often find themselves in sticky situations, leaving themselves questioning their tact and techniques! Muscle and Health caught up with Fitafy’s acclaimed sex and dating therapist, Charlene Douglas, to find out the dos and don’ts of modern dating.
1. Putting all your eggs in one basket
A common mistake people make when approaching dating, is assuming that the first person they encounter will be their ‘person’. They meet one person and pin all hope on them being the one to satisfy all their emotional needs. Instead of putting all your energy in the first person you date, try seeing a few people until you’re sure that you have met someone you want to progress with.
2. Creating a dating profile that doesn’t show who you really are
Another major mistake people make when dating, is creating a dating profile that doesn’t accurately reflect who they are. Your dating profile is a great way to showcase your interests, personality, and appearance – so make sure that your profile reflects who you are as a person. If you’re a fitness fan, and struggle to meet people who share your interests, give Fitafy a try, it’s designed for people who are passionate about sport and fitness, so be sure to show your sporty side on your profile if this is something that’s important to you!
3. Being too closed minded
Some people have less luck when dating as they get bogged down by their list of ‘must-haves’! It can sometimes turn out to be self-sabotage if you decide not to date someone before meeting them – just because on paper, they don’t fit your pre-existing criteria. Don’t narrow your search for a partner by rejecting possible matches who could show you a whole new world of love. Be open and get to know different people… you might surprise yourself! Often people end up with a partner that is completely different to the person they thought they would end up with.
4. Comparing everyone to your former partner
It’s quite common for people to consciously (or subconsciously) compare new flames to their past ones, especially if you still have some sort of emotional connection to them. Focus on every new person you meet as a fresh and unique individual. Try to learn their ways and appreciate them for their own qualities and try to not compare them with someone else. This allows you to step into a new chapter with a fresh pair of eyes and look towards the future, leaving the past in the past.
The prospect of dating can sometimes be filled with anxiety and worry. One main way to avoid these feelings is to stop overthinking certain situations. Don’t assume everyone is out to get you and trust the process. If your date texts you, don’t wait five hours to reply, this could put a spanner into the works and jolt the flow of your conversation. Be open and upfront with your feelings, even if it’s a little scary, because let me assure you the person opposite you isn’t a mind reader. Whether it’s due to awkwardness, pride, or shame, not being forthcoming about your feelings is a very prevalent dating mistake. If you want to have success in your dating life, you have to let people in and learn to go with the flow.
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