Author: Rebecca Alvarez Story
Masturbation is an essential element of self-love and one of the first steps an individual can take in developing excellent sexual health. As a sex therapist, I’ve found that people who masturbate tend to be more successful in achieving their pleasure, more reflective on the sexual aspects of their lives, more expressive in intimate relations and more resistant to gendered double standards in sexuality.
Unfortunately, women are likelier to receive messages that self-pleasure is wrong or dirty. We must continue shifting the narrative to the understanding that all bodies are worthy of self-pleasure. It’s also important to understand that solo sex is real sex. You don’t need a partner to have or enjoy sex. And while many people still don’t consider masturbation sex, studies show that most people do it, and many prefer it to accompany sex.
Advice for women who haven’t tried it
Masturbating isn’t always instinctual. You must learn what your body likes, which requires time, patience and a willingness to explore. There are myriad ways that people masturbate: with their hand or a solo sex toy, with or without lubricant, in the shower or bedroom.
First, start by creating an ambiance you feel comfortable with, whether in the bathtub or bedroom, with the lights off and candles on, etc. Your body and state of mind are priorities for masturbation, so do what it takes to feel calm and relaxed.
Second, incorporating products like sex toys is fun to relieve pressure and performance anxiety, so you don’t have to do all the work. Try a small and discreet toy for beginners, such as Zee. It’s tiny but mighty and a great way to enhance your self-love routine, especially if you’ve never tried sex toys.
How to finger yourself and how to make yourself cum
Fingering yourself is a very intimate experience that allows you to familiarize yourself with different pleasure zones or sensations you like or don’t like. Before you start, ensure your hands are clean and your fingernails are not sharp or rigid because you will be inserting them into a very sensitive area. Also, don’t just go at it. You want your body to feel aroused, well-lubricated, and relaxed for an easy, pleasurable experience.
Start by finding a comfortable position to sit up to reach your vagina. Try an arousal oil if you need help with your body’s arousal process. Arousal oils that have botanical aphrodisiacs can help enhance blood circulation, support stamina, and increase natural lubrication. Apply a few pumps and massage your intimate and surrounding areas, such as the vulva, clitoris, inner thighs, butt, and pelvic area. Feel free to massage your breasts as well for additional sensation.
Once you feel stimulated, start to rub your clitoris with gentle strokes gently. You can achieve orgasm just with clitoral stimulation, or you may move on, inserting a finger into your vagina and caressing it with an in-and-out motion. If things start to feel dry, add a personal lubricant, like Good Clean Love’s Bio Nude Water-Based Lubricant. Apply the desired amount to your fingers and intimate areas, and continue stroking yourself.
While I encourage folks to orgasm as much as they want, it’s also important to note that orgasms don’t always have to be the end goal of a sexual experience, including masturbation. Remember that pleasure comes in many different forms without a singular definition.
Rebecca Alvarez Story, CEO and Co-Founder of Bloomi, believes the key to improving intimacy is learning the holistic sex education many of us never received. As a nationally sought-after sexologist and developer of clean, intimate care products, she helps people understand that sex can be fulfilling by learning more about their evolving bodies and needs.
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